


Don't cry over spilt... cola.

by miharuchii



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, You've been warned, and cheol is whipped, i don't know how to tag, it's crack, jihoon adores his cola, they're a bunch of weirdos, very crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-27
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-08-08 14:32:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16431245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miharuchii/pseuds/miharuchii
Summary: Alternatively, Jihoon goes over an existential crisis. And blames it on everyone.Chaos ensues.





	Don't cry over spilt... cola.

**Author's Note:**

> This is brought to you by my numerous sleepless nights.  
> I hope it'll make you laugh at least a little bit.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

Jihoon swore on everything that is holy that he didn’t do anything wrong in his life to deserve this kind of outcome.  
He looks at the brownish and fizzy substance, aka the love of his life, all spread on the carpet of Seventeen’s dormitory.

If you were asking about the condition of said carpet, no, Jihoon _doesn’t fucking care_.

Not when that specific carpet went through every possible thing like Seokmin and Soonyoung’s impromptu wrestling battles, Chan’s usual night snacks, Seungkwan’s convulsive habit of brushing his hair right on that _fucking carpet_ and last, but not least, Seungcheol’s sudden push-ups whenever Jihoon was around the dormitory.  
He still doesn’t know why but he guesses he’ll figure that out in due time.

The situation at hand was much more important.

Jihoon rubbed his eyes, already feeling tired. And it was just 10 in the morning. Or was that because tears were threatening to come out? No, he’s a man and a man doesn’t cry over spilt… _cola_.

He walked around the now dirty and wet carpet, trying hard to not have a breakdown that was most probably accompanied by an identity crisis. His hands went automatically through his hair, now cut short and white/grey-ish, and Jihoon thought that, if he looked at that tragedy splattered on the floor one more _motherfucking_ time he would probably lose those remaining strands from his head. His stylists were making his hair falling a much easier job than he ever thought of, with all those unwanted bleaching.

It was during his nth swear against _hair stylist noona_ that Seungcheol came in the room and stared at the mess that was Lee Jihoon.

“Jihoonie? Are you okay?” the leader immediately picked up on the boy’s exasperated expression. He went to his side and _then_ noticed the carpet irrecoverably drenched in what looked like spilt cola.

He moved his shocked gaze onto Jihoon. He was quite scared of asking the obvious because, let’s admit it, an even slightly unstable Vocal Boss was terrifying and unapproachable: “Is it what I think it is?”

“Do you not have eyes?”

Oh, he knew him _so well_.

Seungcheol slowly took a step on the left, away from the angry white-haired boy. “It’s okay Jihoon, there’s still a can of cola in the fridge-”

“ _This_ was the last one. Someone _purposefully_ dropped it. I know it; I can fell the malice impregnated in these four walls.”

“Aw come on Jihoon, no one would dare- I mean, they love you too much to do that.”

“Uh, just wait ‘till someone comes out of the closet and confesses their crime. Unless _I_ make them.”

“Jihoonie, hey, there is no need. I know them, you know them. They’re pretty well aware of how precious your cola is.”

Jihoon finally turned to look at him in the eye. Cheol wished he didn’t (for the first time ever since they met).

“I’m gonna find them. And I’m gonna _kill_ them.”

Seungcheol gulped.

 

•••

 

What happened that night, right after everyone came back from their personal schedules, was something unimaginable to other people.

Envision this: a man with a baby face and an expression so dark that even the strictest manager would quiver in front of him, and twelve other boys looking at him like he was the reincarnation of some tyrant.

They were seated in circle, like some sort of therapy group, and took little glances at each other. Seungcheol was the most calm of them all because he was the only one knowing the purpose of this… reunion.

Seungkwan broke the ice: “Um, Woozi hyung, why are we here? Not to be the party pooper, although this doesn’t even remotely look like a party, but I have a schedule to attend to tomorrow and I need to sleep early. You understand that right?”

He was immediately silenced by his vocal leader with his famous murderous look. The latter then looked elsewhere, making everyone sigh in relief.

“I’ve gathered everyone here to discuss about a very important matter. One of you has betrayed me and before you start questioning my argument, managers and the staff in general couldn’t have possibly been the culprit of such malice as I’ve already grilled them.”

Everyone looked at each other, until one of them felt courageous enough to ask: “But hyung, what happened exactly? Did… did someone die?”

“Are you stupid or something, Seoku? Of course it’s not a murder! Someone must have stolen Woozi’s personal journal. That must be it.”

“Wrong, Hoshi. I don’t have a journal and what makes you think I have one?”

Hoshi picked a very small journal from the left pocket of his jacket: “Then whom the fuck is this?”

“ _Dude_ , I can’t believe it you had it all this time!” Wonwoo hurriedly took it from Hoshi’s hand.

“… I’ll pretend I didn’t see that. So, what I was going to tell you is… no. No one died. NO, no one stole anything from me, but now that I think about it, it could be interpreted that way too-“

“Who took the last cola and dropped it on the carpet?” Seungcheol finished for him.

A heavy silence fell between the thirteen of them. Some at the famous carpet under them, others looked around themselves as though they _did_ something but weren’t sure themselves either. Seungcheol sighed and after throughfully illustrating the case, he asked:

“Guys, as Jihoon already mentioned, no one from the staff could have done it. So it only leaves all of you. Does someone at least know or have seen something that could help us finally get to the real culprit?”

Minghao lift his gaze to look at the leader: “I do, actually. I think it was yesterday, before the concert…”  
  


_I think I saw someone not too tall near the fridge. He was actually acting strange, like he didn’t want to be caught or something. Anyways, I guess he took something from the fridge and opened it. He was chugging it down so fast that I think he almost chocked. After drinking it, he took the empty can and threw it in the bin inside the furniture._  
  


At the last sentence, Jihoon hurried over the furniture, opened it and found the bin. With a disgusted face he started searching for the can and finally found it.  
But it was apparently too early to celebrate.

Jun slowly sat up and raised his right hand, his head low for embarrassment.

“Sorry Jihoonie. It was me.”

“B-but… this is not Cola! This… this is PEPSI??”

Jun chuckled: “You know the advertisement for the Chinese program? They wanted us to sponsor PEPSI! And I mean, let’s be honest…”

“DON’T SAY A FUCKING WORD MOON JUNHUI.” Woozi said as he pointed his finger to his same age friend. “WE DON’T DISRESPECT COCA COLA IN THIS DORMITORY, UNDERSTOOD?”

They sat in silence, mostly because they wanted Jihoon to calm down first. It was a low hit.

“So…” Vernon broke the ice, “… we know it wasn’t Jun hyung at least. And I guess The 8 hyung too, since he can’t drink carbonated drinks because of his diet.”

Minghao nodded, thankful of his dongsaeng’s intervention.

“So… anyone else wants to share their opinion?” spoke Seungcheol again, after calming the producer down.

Joshua stood up from his seat and went near Jihoon with caution. Crouched, patted the smaller boy's left knee and finally spoke up:

“It was Jeonghan.”

Everyone’s eyes immediately went up to the aforementioned member of the group.

“Me? Are you freaking serious right now? I’m honestly the last person who could have done it!”

Mingyu, who was holding a mic out of nowhere, commented the scene like he was hosting a show:

“Jeonghan hyung, I think this is not enough reason for you to be put out of all of this. What do you have to say in your defence?”

Wonwoo snatched the mic from the taller boy. The latter pouted.

The second eldest sighed in defeat: “This is all a joke. Everyone knows that the one who makes accusations on someone without proofs is the real culprit.”

Everyone shook their heads: “Nah, you’re more the kind of person that does something like this.”

At this response, Jeonghan couldn’t but show his dismay with his mouth and eyes wide open.

“Ow, come on Cheol, help me out here!”

“Han, you’re asking the wrong person.”

Jihoon finally woke up from his initial shock: “Just tell us your alibi.”

 _This is some Phoenix Wright shit_ , was whispered by one of them but they were just too focused on Jeonghan’s face at that moment.

“All right. I’ll tell you but don’t be mad at me after this…”  
  


_It was late at night the last time I went to the kitchen. I just woke up early without really wanting to, since you know I like my beauty sleep. Anyways, I went to drink some chamomile to help myself to sleep again, but it was so dark that I couldn’t see shit. So I went for the first cup my hands could reach and I used it._  
_Sorry Joshua._  
  


“I KNEW IT, YOU TOOK MY MUG, YOU SON OF A GUN!” Joshua sprinted to his friend(?) and luckly Seungcheol was quick enough to stop him before his friend could have left very visible bruises on Jeonghan’s face.

“I SAID SORRY DIDN’T I? AND WHAT THE FUCK, DID YOU ACCUSE ME BECAUSE I TOOK YOUR UGLY MUG?”

“OF FUCKING COURSE?”

“Hey, language. There’s a minor here.” Spoke up Hoshi.

“Actually-”

“I JUST WANTED TO KNOW WHO THE FRICKTY FUCK TOOK MY LAST CAN OF COLA, YOU BUNCH OF WEIRD FUCKS.”

 

•••

 

“So. We still don’t know who’s the real criminal.” Sobbed Seungcheol.

Seungkwan rubbed his shoulders: “And I have work tomorrow… come on, can I just go to bed and talk about this another time?”

“You sound like you want to go to bed without solving the case only because you actually have something you don’t want to tell us…” Vernon said, touching his glasses (where did they come from?) and staring intensively into his friend’s eyes.

“Shut up, you want me to tell everyone what you were  _actually_  doing that night?”

Everyone’s ears perked up at Seungkwan’s statement.

“Um. Abort, abort!” Said as he tried running to his room, but Mingyu was blocking the way.

“Where are ya goin’, young man?”

“Trying to avoid speaking about an embarrassing topic, now could you please...?”

“Vernon, please tell us what were you doing the last time you went in the kitchen. Hoping it’ll get us somewhere…” finished Cheol, rubbing his temples.

Jihoon was silent on his side.  
  


_This is gonna be real embarrassing, but to make this short I was gonna do something for someone to not make their voice crack during the concert. That’s it. I don’t think there was any Cola at all in the fridge but… yeah._  
  


“This… is actually really useful?” Jihoon spoke up, suddenly very focused.

“How so? Why don’t we ask him for whom was that ‘something’? That’s more interesting in my opinion?”

“Shut up Seungkwan, we all know it was for you.” That was how Dino replied.

Seungkwan blushed and stared at his feet. Vernon rubbed his nape.

“How come is it useful, Jihoon?” asked Wonwoo.

“Well, it is now certain that the cola was already gone _before_ the concert!”

The rest ‘ooh!’-ed at the statement. Hoshi then intelligently came up with a question:

“Who’s usually the last one getting ready before the concert…?”

Everyone knew the answer.

“Ow, come on, it was just Cola…”

The group turned their gazes to the one and only…

 

… _Maknae_.

“CHAN?!”

“Yeah, it was me. I mean, I was really thirsty after all the vocal exercise I did, so I took the Cola and I drunk it. I accidentally spilt it on the carpet because I tripped on it. I didn’t see your name on the can though, hyung, so I think it’s safe to say that no one is really guilty or innocent, right? Now that we concluded this stupid pseudo-human-Cluedo, can we just go to bed and go on with our lives already?”

 

•••

“Okay.”

That being said, Lee Jihoon stood up and went to his room. The rest stared at Chan as he looked particularly confused.  
“What?”

“You’re pretty evil, Channie.”

 

•••

Hours passed and Seungcheol decided to go up to Jihoon’s room and knock on the door.

“Jihoonie, are you okay there? I know you’re not sleeping.”

After a couple of seconds of complete silence, Jihoon responded: “Come on in, hyung.”

As he opened the door, the elder noticed a burrito version of his dongsaeng lying on the bed.  
He sat on its end and waited for the other to speak.

And so he did.

“Do you know what makes me more mad?”

Despite knowing Jihoon couldn’t see him, he still shook his head without vocally saying that he didn’t know.

“I feel betrayed, Cheol. I don’t fucking care about the Cola. I can buy another one, but I can’t buy my bandmate’s respect.”

“Oh, Jihoonie…”

“I mean, I know I couldn't prove the Cola was actually mine but… they all know that I’m really attached to it, and I bought it so that should make sense. But no, out of everyone, I didn’t expect the maknae to go and snatch it like it’s no one’s business…”

“I can see your point of view, Jihoonie.”

“Not only that…! Did you notice how many things we didn’t tell each other about what happened yesterday and they all came up? Like, we’re not that important for them, we’re just an addition to their lives…”

“I don’t think they’re compelled to tell us everything. They probably wants some kind of privacy, even if it’s about the smallest things.”

“I know that, but… we were at the point of killing each other for nothing because things were left untold.”

“That was only Joshua, if I recall.”

“Doesn’t matter. I still think there is no respect and trust for each other. That actually concerns me.”

Seungcheol rubbed his chin, thinking: “Well. You want them to be more respectful and have more trust? Then start doing it yourself.”

Jihoon finally came out of his cocoon made out of sheets: “What do you mean?”

“Well, everything started because you didn’t openly tell that the can of cola was supposed to be yours. That was a misunderstanding, but you immediately put them under pressure by accusing them of doing something. That is not being trustful, you know?”

Jihoon sat up a little, staring at his little feet, then looked up at the elder, a little smile adorning his face.

“You’re right, Cheol. I should be the first to put trust in them instead of pressuring them about the stupidest things.”

“Exactly.”

“I want to say sorry to them. Think that waking them up it’s too evil even for me?”

Seungcheol chuckled: “You’re not evil. You’re adorable.”

“Ah-ha. Tell that to the workaholic me after many hours of producing musics non-stop.”

“…Yeah. Not that adorable.”

 

•••

Jihoon woke them up that very night to apologize for his behavior. Although very sleepy, the boys just smiled at him and told him that it was just a part of their bonding.

And it really was.

That night, Jihoon decided to put his name on everything he personally bought.

 

•••

“Seungcheol, there’s only one thing that keeps bothering me at night.”

“What’s that?”

“You have a gym to practice to. Why the fuck do you do push-ups whenever I’m around, and on that goddamn carpet too?”

“… Abort, _abort_!”

 

 

 


End file.
